The Dynamics of Abusive Relationships
In today’s blog post, I would like to talk about the dynamics of abusive relationships, illustrated with examples. I will share with you experiences from my own life, analysing them from a sexual psychology perspective.
My goal is to help you recognize the warning signs in time, because the longer such a relationship lasts, the harder it is to exit from it. It is important to understand that abuse can take not only physical but also emotional, psychological, or sexual forms.
When a relationship begins, everything seems perfect. We fall in love, and the “rose-colored glasses” prevent us from seeing reality.
Case Story:
The girl always asks: “Where were you? How was your day?” But the boy always replies: “Busy… I don’t want to talk about it because it makes me angry.” The girl never knows where her partner was or with whom he is spending his time. If she asks the boy often reacts aggressively. Late-night “business dinners” become more frequent, and their evening conversations increasingly revolve around the girl’s whereabouts and actions. The boy frequently breaks into the girl’s phone or computer.
The boy never talks about his childhood, never shares stories about where and with whom he played, or what shaped his past. He constantly criticises the girl’s friends and co-workers, doing everything he can to end those relationships.
When the girl wants to take the relationship more seriously — talking about marriage or children — the boy always finds excuses or accusations for why she is “not suitable.” He always blames the girl for everything, which causes her to suffer even more.
Whenever the girl tries to talk to him, he responds: “You’re hiding things!” or “I told you not to…” He refuses to engage in conversation and often becomes aggressive. He frequently humiliates her in public, until one day the girl finds herself sitting alone at home, shattered and lacking self-confidence.
What could be behind this type of behavior? This kind of behavior can stem from various factors, and it’s important to examine both emotional and behavioral patterns.
Secrecy and Emotional Distance
When someone refuses to share basic information about their life for a long time, it often points to trust issues or a double life. While it doesn’t necessarily mean infidelity, it does create a barrier between couples. It may also indicate feelings of shame or a desire to hide past events, or possibly stress or issues related to work.
Controlling and Jealous Behavior
Jealousy and controlling behavior often stem from insecurity or low self-esteem. By exercising control, the boy may try to maintain power in the relationship or divert attention from his own secrets. In some cases, jealous individuals project their own infidelity onto their partner.
Fear of Commitment
Finding excuses to avoid deepening the relationship often signals a fear of commitment. The boy may have been masking his own insecurities or emotional unreadiness for a serious relationship.
Hidden Problems
Frequent “business dinners,” excessive secrecy, and aggressive reactions may point to hidden issues such as addiction, financial troubles, or even illegal activities.
Childhood Trauma and Attachment Issues
The boy may be carrying deep emotional wounds from his past that he suppresses or that hinder his ability to connect in a healthy way. Family conflicts, neglect, or past abuse can leave lingering insecurity, which may later manifest itself in controlling behavior.
Low Self-Esteem and Insecurity
The boy’s struggles with self-esteem may drive him to dominate and diminish his partner in order to maintain a false sense of superiority. This often leads to compulsive control.
Emotional Manipulation and Projection
The boy consistently projects his own faults onto the girl, making her feel guilty all the time. This is a classic manipulation tactic aimed at maintaining control in a relationship.
In the coming days, we will discuss these processes in detail to help you recognize the signs and find a way out.
If you have any questions or experiences to share regarding this topic, please leave a comment or contact one of the support organizations available. You are not alone, and there is always a way out.
